"Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say "thank you," "I love you," and "great job" to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you inspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment."
My sister found a beautiful framed picture to give my brother for the new house, with this quote inscribed. Every one of these words is so true, and she hoped it would bring Jeff comfort.
But I know we all feel the same. How do we even begin to comfort someone that has lost their first girlfriend, their first love, their future wife.
Last week on the morning of October 26th, we lost our Tina in a tragic head-on collision. All the details of how, and where, and when do not matter, because we will never quite understand the even more probing question of why. And those questions swirl in our heads, whether we want them to or not.
But I'm not writing to talk about the accident, to discuss the logistics, or to question why.
I'm writing to honor Tina, and my brother.
For me, writing is much easier than speaking. Before the funeral services began on Saturday, Mom approached me and said the family wanted someone to speak. My instinct was, of course I'll speak. I loved Tina, and had so much to say and share. But as she walked away and I realized what I had just accepted. I realized that I was totally unprepared, and how could I sum up the life of someone so beautiful, and so important to Jeff, and us, in just a short few sentences. I asked Jen to stand with me. I told her despairingly, I didn't know what to say. She said, "Once you start speaking, you will know."
I will share some of that with you now.
I hope most of you got to meet Tina. Chances are she greeted you with the biggest dimpled smile you've ever seen and the warmest bear hug you've ever had. She had a way of holding you, not just hugging you, and those extra seconds made you feel like the center of her world. She loved so many, so deeply. She talked about her nieces and nephews in Nebraska constantly and never missed a birthday party. She often posted their photos as her profile pic on Facebook. I even remember her posting Cole's 1st birthday picture as her own last year. She loved children, and would have been an amazing Mom.
She was as good with food as she was with kids. She went to culinary school and worked as a cook at the Harlan Country Club, but baking was her true love! She made the richest most delectable desserts and took pride in watching others enjoy. Her signature Scotch-a-Roo's are undoubtedly the best anyone makes. They actually served them at the funeral. I think I ate at least 10 of them, and savored every bite. Tina had aspirations of owning her own pastry business. We talked about it at length during a Mule ride with Cole to check the cows this summer. She had already designed business cards and started forming her business plan. She had so many ideas and goals. Jeff was very supportive of her and pushed her to pursue it. He was behind her 100%.
Tina loved to lounge around in her PJs and John Deere gear, playing Farmville on Facebook and sending loving messages to her family and friends. She took pride in caring for Jeff, making him food, doing his laundry, or helping him with his business. She liked tackling house projects, whether she was mowing the lawn or refinishing furniture, which is part of why she was so ecstatic about having their own place. She enjoyed shopping for her favorite vices, a fancy purse or some Pampered Chef! But what made her happiest of all was just being around Jeff.
When I first met Tina, I immediately felt she "fit." We ALL did...the Goettsch cousins, the Klindt cousins, the Aunts and Uncles, and the grandparents...we all felt like she had ALWAYS been a part of us. Everything about her and Jeff made sense. Those first months, I saw changes in Jeff I never imagined possible. The way he'd gaze at her, sit on the couch next to her, and hold her hand. And just the fact he'd actually sit with us inside, instead of disappearing off into his shop, was a miracle in itself! My favorite transformation is Jeff learned how to hug. I remember coming home that following summer and when I saw Jeff, he wrapped me in the same bear hug Tina did. I felt surprise, and elation. My brother had learned how to love. He smiled bigger, laughed harder, and lived better. I saw her in him.
Tina and Jeff have been dating since the beginning of 2008, and living together since December of 2009. It's hard to believe it's been almost 4 years, yet it honestly feels like even longer. It seems that Jeff and Tina have been together forever. I think that's why we always teased Jeff about "the ring." It wasn't because we questioned whether or not it would happen. We just liked seeing the goofy uncomfortable smile on his face, and the knowing smile on Tina's. She had no doubt, neither did he, and neither did we. But Jeff doesn't rush anything...he takes his time and makes sure of his decisions, and that's part of the many reasons why Tina loved him.
But I don't think she needed that ring on her finger to be assured of their connection, and their future together. In fact, I don't think she's ever been happier. Jeff and her had recently purchased a home south-east of Avoca, near the place they had been renting for 2 years, near the Lucky 7 family farm. The new house was an old beautiful remodeled home, 2400 square feet, sitting on 5 acres. Plenty of space for Jeff's business, and eventually, a growing family. They had been moving that whole week and furniture had been delivered. They planned to sleep in their new home for the first time, the night of the accident.
Tina was ecstatic about the new place. Her Facebook postings echoed her enthusiasm. On her birthday just a week prior, Jeff took her to Applebees in Council Bluffs, and then Menards! They picked out new carpet together that night. She spent the whole week cleaning fervently, and working elbow to elbow with Mom, painting and laying new flooring. It was the labor of love, molding their new home.
This was her last Facebook posting:
"Thank you Thank you Thank you to my boyfriends mom Bernitta Goettsch!!! Without her my new house would still be a wreck...She has done so much and I'm forever grateful. Without her the master bedroom would be a ply wood floor and green walls, not very attractive...but not anymore, now its white with brand new carpet. And today she cleaned my kitchen and made it look all pretty. Thanks again, so Much mom don't know what we would have done without and dad too...Love you!!!!!"
Shortly after this, she wrote me personally, wanting to know what would be a good thank you gift for Mom. She sweetly said she hoped me and the boys were well, and she couldn't wait to see us this December.
Then a week prior, she wrote this:
"Jeff is the best....he let me ride in the combine with him instead of making me unpack boxes!!! He's the best, I guess that's why I love him!!!"
I'm smiling right now just reading those messages. Her happiness is evident, and her bubbly enthusiasm is contagious. And I guess that makes it a little easier to let go. No regrets.
Her Facebook page is comforting to me for some reason. I read and re-read all the postings and see how many people she touched and loved. Tina knew it too. She turned 26 on October 19th and this is what she wrote that day:
"Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes, I feel so loved by so many!!!!"
Here's where I hang my head. I forgot to wish her a Happy Birthday. I saw it on the calendar but the day came and went. I'm not as sharp as I should be lately. But Tina would never have been upset about something like that. She didn't need anything tangible to feel loved. She just knew. But here, and now, I will make my birthday wishes.
Tina, I loved you like a sister and would not have picked anyone else for my brother. I hope you have the best birthday. I miss you and love you.
Jen and I gave her "birthday presents" the day of the funeral. Jennifer has a silver sparrow necklace she has worn for many many years. It's one of her most prized possessions. When I picture Jen, I picture her wearing those wings.
The day of the funeral, Jen was unable to bring herself to see Tina. Any time we asked, she shook her head no and closed off. But suddenly she came out of her shell, approached Mom, and said she wanted her to give her bird to Tina. What a beautiful gift, and the perfect place for her wings. Without hesitation, I said, I'll give her mine too. In my whirlwind 24 hours of packing, I minimized what I brought. But, for some reason I did grab the bird necklace I had bought a year ago. It was a reminder of Jen, a reminder of home, and now a special reminder of Tina. Wings to heaven.
I know I'm going to feel sadness for a while, on a lot of levels. First, I feel an incredible deep sadness for Jeff. I have never seen my brother cry, but tears trickled down his stoic cheeks so many times those few days. My tears often derived from seeing his. I wonder if those tears still flow when we don't see. He loved her more deeply than I even knew. He rode home with me from Grand Island on Saturday, and it was the best 3 hours I've ever had with my brother. We talked the entire drive, a lot about him and Tina and their memories. He has a lot of good ones to hold close, and I'm confident that he actually holds zero regrets. That is a testament to their relationship, and their love.
But because of that, he is feeling a great void that may never quite be filled. I would give anything to fix his sadness and that void. He has suffered so much these past 2 years...with Grandma's death first, then his best friend Jeremiah, and now Tina. He was so quiet with Jeremiah's passing, but he admitted that it was because Tina was there, helping him get through it behind the scenes. Now, we must step up and be there for him, like she was.
I feel a deep sadness for my parents. They loved Tina like their own daughter. Because of her close proximity, they saw her frequently. She would pop in and out to visit or share a meal, especially when Jeff was at the farm working in his shop. She loved our family, and was so appreciative of the love "Mom and Dad" showed her. I always thought it was cool she felt comfortable calling them that, and it never seemed odd. They really liked it too, and they thought she was the best thing that had ever happened to their son. Mom said more than once that there was no one better she could have picked for Jeff.
I feel a deep sadness for my boys. Tina treated them as her own nephews. She played with them, she wrestled with them, she even helped discipline them. They were her own. When we pray for our family at night, we go through the whole list. I always love how Caden stresses and emphasizes her name. Sometimes he mistakenly forgets a name or two, but for some reason, he NEVER forgets Tina. When I found out about her death, I explained to him what happened. I didn't think he listened or grasped it. The next day, when I was shedding more tears, Caden asked me if I was sad. I said, "Yes Caden, Mommy is sad." He replied, "It's okay Mommy. Tina is with God."
He's right. Tina is completely at peace, happier than ever. She's walking with God and is looking down on us. Jeff believes that too. During our drive back to Avoca, he actually stated that God's purpose for her here must have been done...whatever it was. It would take most people a while to come to that conclusion, but my grieving brother had already figured that out. I nodded in agreement, and said, Jeff, I think her purpose was you. She taught you how to truly live, and love. He said, well that doesn't seem like much. I rebuttaled that it was a big purpose, a very important one. And I think Tina would have agreed.
Tina wrote something a few weeks ago, on the anniversary of Jeremiah's passing.
"It's been a year since we said goodbye...you maybe gone but never forgotten. You made us laugh, and smile, and the memories will last forever. You are in a better place looking down on us making sure we are safe, just another angel on our shoulders. May you and GOD bless your parents, brother, the 2 most beautiful nieces, that you have in this time, and let them know that you are okay and happy. We LOVE and MISS you Jeremiah!!!"
We could echo her beautiful words right back at her. We LOVE and MISS you, Tina. Thank you for everything you brought to our lives, and for taking care of my brother. I have no doubt you will continue to do so.
My sister found a beautiful framed picture to give my brother for the new house, with this quote inscribed. Every one of these words is so true, and she hoped it would bring Jeff comfort.
But I know we all feel the same. How do we even begin to comfort someone that has lost their first girlfriend, their first love, their future wife.
Last week on the morning of October 26th, we lost our Tina in a tragic head-on collision. All the details of how, and where, and when do not matter, because we will never quite understand the even more probing question of why. And those questions swirl in our heads, whether we want them to or not.
But I'm not writing to talk about the accident, to discuss the logistics, or to question why.
I'm writing to honor Tina, and my brother.
For me, writing is much easier than speaking. Before the funeral services began on Saturday, Mom approached me and said the family wanted someone to speak. My instinct was, of course I'll speak. I loved Tina, and had so much to say and share. But as she walked away and I realized what I had just accepted. I realized that I was totally unprepared, and how could I sum up the life of someone so beautiful, and so important to Jeff, and us, in just a short few sentences. I asked Jen to stand with me. I told her despairingly, I didn't know what to say. She said, "Once you start speaking, you will know."
I will share some of that with you now.
I hope most of you got to meet Tina. Chances are she greeted you with the biggest dimpled smile you've ever seen and the warmest bear hug you've ever had. She had a way of holding you, not just hugging you, and those extra seconds made you feel like the center of her world. She loved so many, so deeply. She talked about her nieces and nephews in Nebraska constantly and never missed a birthday party. She often posted their photos as her profile pic on Facebook. I even remember her posting Cole's 1st birthday picture as her own last year. She loved children, and would have been an amazing Mom.
She was as good with food as she was with kids. She went to culinary school and worked as a cook at the Harlan Country Club, but baking was her true love! She made the richest most delectable desserts and took pride in watching others enjoy. Her signature Scotch-a-Roo's are undoubtedly the best anyone makes. They actually served them at the funeral. I think I ate at least 10 of them, and savored every bite. Tina had aspirations of owning her own pastry business. We talked about it at length during a Mule ride with Cole to check the cows this summer. She had already designed business cards and started forming her business plan. She had so many ideas and goals. Jeff was very supportive of her and pushed her to pursue it. He was behind her 100%.
Tina loved to lounge around in her PJs and John Deere gear, playing Farmville on Facebook and sending loving messages to her family and friends. She took pride in caring for Jeff, making him food, doing his laundry, or helping him with his business. She liked tackling house projects, whether she was mowing the lawn or refinishing furniture, which is part of why she was so ecstatic about having their own place. She enjoyed shopping for her favorite vices, a fancy purse or some Pampered Chef! But what made her happiest of all was just being around Jeff.
When I first met Tina, I immediately felt she "fit." We ALL did...the Goettsch cousins, the Klindt cousins, the Aunts and Uncles, and the grandparents...we all felt like she had ALWAYS been a part of us. Everything about her and Jeff made sense. Those first months, I saw changes in Jeff I never imagined possible. The way he'd gaze at her, sit on the couch next to her, and hold her hand. And just the fact he'd actually sit with us inside, instead of disappearing off into his shop, was a miracle in itself! My favorite transformation is Jeff learned how to hug. I remember coming home that following summer and when I saw Jeff, he wrapped me in the same bear hug Tina did. I felt surprise, and elation. My brother had learned how to love. He smiled bigger, laughed harder, and lived better. I saw her in him.
Tina and Jeff have been dating since the beginning of 2008, and living together since December of 2009. It's hard to believe it's been almost 4 years, yet it honestly feels like even longer. It seems that Jeff and Tina have been together forever. I think that's why we always teased Jeff about "the ring." It wasn't because we questioned whether or not it would happen. We just liked seeing the goofy uncomfortable smile on his face, and the knowing smile on Tina's. She had no doubt, neither did he, and neither did we. But Jeff doesn't rush anything...he takes his time and makes sure of his decisions, and that's part of the many reasons why Tina loved him.
But I don't think she needed that ring on her finger to be assured of their connection, and their future together. In fact, I don't think she's ever been happier. Jeff and her had recently purchased a home south-east of Avoca, near the place they had been renting for 2 years, near the Lucky 7 family farm. The new house was an old beautiful remodeled home, 2400 square feet, sitting on 5 acres. Plenty of space for Jeff's business, and eventually, a growing family. They had been moving that whole week and furniture had been delivered. They planned to sleep in their new home for the first time, the night of the accident.
Tina was ecstatic about the new place. Her Facebook postings echoed her enthusiasm. On her birthday just a week prior, Jeff took her to Applebees in Council Bluffs, and then Menards! They picked out new carpet together that night. She spent the whole week cleaning fervently, and working elbow to elbow with Mom, painting and laying new flooring. It was the labor of love, molding their new home.
This was her last Facebook posting:
"Thank you Thank you Thank you to my boyfriends mom Bernitta Goettsch!!! Without her my new house would still be a wreck...She has done so much and I'm forever grateful. Without her the master bedroom would be a ply wood floor and green walls, not very attractive...but not anymore, now its white with brand new carpet. And today she cleaned my kitchen and made it look all pretty. Thanks again, so Much mom don't know what we would have done without and dad too...Love you!!!!!"
Shortly after this, she wrote me personally, wanting to know what would be a good thank you gift for Mom. She sweetly said she hoped me and the boys were well, and she couldn't wait to see us this December.
Then a week prior, she wrote this:
"Jeff is the best....he let me ride in the combine with him instead of making me unpack boxes!!! He's the best, I guess that's why I love him!!!"
I'm smiling right now just reading those messages. Her happiness is evident, and her bubbly enthusiasm is contagious. And I guess that makes it a little easier to let go. No regrets.
Her Facebook page is comforting to me for some reason. I read and re-read all the postings and see how many people she touched and loved. Tina knew it too. She turned 26 on October 19th and this is what she wrote that day:
"Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes, I feel so loved by so many!!!!"
Here's where I hang my head. I forgot to wish her a Happy Birthday. I saw it on the calendar but the day came and went. I'm not as sharp as I should be lately. But Tina would never have been upset about something like that. She didn't need anything tangible to feel loved. She just knew. But here, and now, I will make my birthday wishes.
Tina, I loved you like a sister and would not have picked anyone else for my brother. I hope you have the best birthday. I miss you and love you.
Jen and I gave her "birthday presents" the day of the funeral. Jennifer has a silver sparrow necklace she has worn for many many years. It's one of her most prized possessions. When I picture Jen, I picture her wearing those wings.
The day of the funeral, Jen was unable to bring herself to see Tina. Any time we asked, she shook her head no and closed off. But suddenly she came out of her shell, approached Mom, and said she wanted her to give her bird to Tina. What a beautiful gift, and the perfect place for her wings. Without hesitation, I said, I'll give her mine too. In my whirlwind 24 hours of packing, I minimized what I brought. But, for some reason I did grab the bird necklace I had bought a year ago. It was a reminder of Jen, a reminder of home, and now a special reminder of Tina. Wings to heaven.
I know I'm going to feel sadness for a while, on a lot of levels. First, I feel an incredible deep sadness for Jeff. I have never seen my brother cry, but tears trickled down his stoic cheeks so many times those few days. My tears often derived from seeing his. I wonder if those tears still flow when we don't see. He loved her more deeply than I even knew. He rode home with me from Grand Island on Saturday, and it was the best 3 hours I've ever had with my brother. We talked the entire drive, a lot about him and Tina and their memories. He has a lot of good ones to hold close, and I'm confident that he actually holds zero regrets. That is a testament to their relationship, and their love.
But because of that, he is feeling a great void that may never quite be filled. I would give anything to fix his sadness and that void. He has suffered so much these past 2 years...with Grandma's death first, then his best friend Jeremiah, and now Tina. He was so quiet with Jeremiah's passing, but he admitted that it was because Tina was there, helping him get through it behind the scenes. Now, we must step up and be there for him, like she was.
I feel a deep sadness for my parents. They loved Tina like their own daughter. Because of her close proximity, they saw her frequently. She would pop in and out to visit or share a meal, especially when Jeff was at the farm working in his shop. She loved our family, and was so appreciative of the love "Mom and Dad" showed her. I always thought it was cool she felt comfortable calling them that, and it never seemed odd. They really liked it too, and they thought she was the best thing that had ever happened to their son. Mom said more than once that there was no one better she could have picked for Jeff.
I feel a deep sadness for my boys. Tina treated them as her own nephews. She played with them, she wrestled with them, she even helped discipline them. They were her own. When we pray for our family at night, we go through the whole list. I always love how Caden stresses and emphasizes her name. Sometimes he mistakenly forgets a name or two, but for some reason, he NEVER forgets Tina. When I found out about her death, I explained to him what happened. I didn't think he listened or grasped it. The next day, when I was shedding more tears, Caden asked me if I was sad. I said, "Yes Caden, Mommy is sad." He replied, "It's okay Mommy. Tina is with God."
He's right. Tina is completely at peace, happier than ever. She's walking with God and is looking down on us. Jeff believes that too. During our drive back to Avoca, he actually stated that God's purpose for her here must have been done...whatever it was. It would take most people a while to come to that conclusion, but my grieving brother had already figured that out. I nodded in agreement, and said, Jeff, I think her purpose was you. She taught you how to truly live, and love. He said, well that doesn't seem like much. I rebuttaled that it was a big purpose, a very important one. And I think Tina would have agreed.
Tina wrote something a few weeks ago, on the anniversary of Jeremiah's passing.
"It's been a year since we said goodbye...you maybe gone but never forgotten. You made us laugh, and smile, and the memories will last forever. You are in a better place looking down on us making sure we are safe, just another angel on our shoulders. May you and GOD bless your parents, brother, the 2 most beautiful nieces, that you have in this time, and let them know that you are okay and happy. We LOVE and MISS you Jeremiah!!!"
We could echo her beautiful words right back at her. We LOVE and MISS you, Tina. Thank you for everything you brought to our lives, and for taking care of my brother. I have no doubt you will continue to do so.
2 comments:
Oh Steph what a fine tribute to Tina. I think she must be smiling down from heaven at all of your family. Tina must have been quite a young woman - I can't believe Jeff talking all the way back home! She brought out the best in Jeff. Jeff is such a neat young man but it took someone like Tina to bring that neat "stuff" to the surface for all to see! Keep your chin up Steph - things will get better. Ellamae
Beautifully said, Steph! Tina was an amazing person, and our family was so blessed to have her in our lives, even tho it was just for a short time!
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